I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
