She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
