this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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