I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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