Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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