i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize