theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
either way he was missing a nipple.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
