i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
