im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
