Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
