a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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