yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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