I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
