You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
