I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
