apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
