and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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