i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
