i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
worst night to have a conscience
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
