She's JV to your varsity
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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