We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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