All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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