Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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