I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
