yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
