The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
