Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
