Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
