I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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