dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
