M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
