I puked a lego.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize