Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
