Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
