I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
