I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
