just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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