I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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