My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
