apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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