awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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