are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
