There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
two words: eviction party
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
