My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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