we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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