not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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