i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
