I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
