Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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