My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize