If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How many fucks given?
0.12846
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
