did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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