Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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