Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
