Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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