I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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