I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
