When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
