Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
