my phone needs a breathalizer
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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