Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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