Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
