Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
