you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
