You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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