I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
