Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
