Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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