I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
