sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
