We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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