the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
