i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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