I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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