literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
