I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
