So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
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