No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
