He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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