I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize