The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
