I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
