see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
