How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
