saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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