I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
