Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
