Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
