Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
