how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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