i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
